Broken!

It sure has been awhile since I posted. I would say that these past 3 months have been the most trying times in my life. I have lost one of the most wonderful men in my life to an awful tragedy. My father past away in November by a tragic automobile accident. It has been very difficult to know or even pin down any thoughts but just grief. I am still and will be for a long time grieving over my loss. To say the least, I am broken. I think about the word broken. It puts a difference on what I thought was an exclamation life. Despair is a place I really haven't had to endure. Yes I have struggled through some hard times with my husband in ministry, but it does not compare to the deep cut of loss, especially of how my Dad died. God knows just what He is doing. Despair will cause you to look up and out because within my life there is only pain. God allows this to happen because only He can satisfy what the longing is. Do I dare look anywhere else. My flesh will suggest other things. I do know as the Bible states that this present suffering I will endure will not compare to the glory God will receive through it. I am ready to see that glory revealed---I desire a deeper look within myself and let God carve out what is not needed and refine me so I can be a true trophy of His Grace. I want to be able to say I saw the Lord high and lifted up even through my broken spirit. I do thank all the cards and letters and kind words bestowed on my family through this time---I wlll never forget it. Kim

A Come to Jesus Meetin'

I have said this quote a time or two to my precious little boy. You know those times when they have just about pushed you over the edge of insanity. Don't sit there and say,(if you have little ones), Never experienced it!! Right! Parenting will let you experience the joys and not so joyous things. As I was studying this week to teach my Bible Study class, I was reminded of how God really sees me. In James, the writer tells us of those not so joyous times and how to cope. James never says consider it all joy if hardships come. Look in James 1:2---Count it all joy WHEN--not maybe ye fall into divers temptations. God is speaking of when the trials will come not if. I think alot of times we sit in amazement that we endure trials and hardships. Christ spoke of if you follow me, men will say all manners of evil against you. Matthew 5 speaks of those who will be blessed when persecuted. So those times will come. How do I cope in those situations? Look at the next verse in James.. (vs. 3). "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." PATIENCE!! Oh my word, I have little or next to none of patience. I get bothered so easily when I have to wait too long in any line. Or the service at a restaurant is sub-par. Love my microwave instead of the oven. Saying all this---I realize that God is going to allow more trials for me in this regard, because of my lack of patience. I love the next verse---"But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. The perfect work only God can perform. He knows best, and even warns me that it will come to try me. Look at the last phrase--wanting nothing. Is there anything I want? Absolutely----Scripture says if any lack wisdom let him ask of God. Why in the world would I consult anyone or rely of anything other than God's promises. Answer: I haven't reached my perfectness yet--so guess what has to come--TRIALS! Which gives me more times to rejoice.Rejoicing only comes for me in actually going through something that rocks my world, but giving reliance back to the giver. James quotes when I ask God for something--ask in faith, and not to waver. When we waver, he says we are like a wave driven with wind and tossed about. Ever been tossed about or feel like it. Ask God in faith to deliver you and praise Him right then for the trial--because guess what--IT WORKETH PATIENCE!!Need a little patience--get ready for a trial. Look at verse 8---A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Wow, that is me sometimes--i struggle in my mind over something God allows in my life and will go to great lengths to rationalize it out, when God says just ask in faith, not wavering for the answer that He can only give, and I will walk away from it--wanting nothing. Then why in the world--do I take the long route. (I need to work more toward Patience. He calls me Blessed when I endure temptation--it says when I am tried, I will receive the crown of life---Girls I love crowns--side note!! Which the Lord has promised to them that love Him. So when that time comes for me to go through a trial--I want to praise Him. When it seems impossible--I want to believe He is able. When I don't have the strength to stand it--I don't want to waver in asking wisdom from God.Because in doing these little steps, I know I will walk away wanting nothing. James 1:17--tells me that every good and perfect gift comes only from above and no where else. So why can't I ask him more for help!! (I am not there yet)---He is still perfecting me----Praise Him!!The discipline of rejoicing in suffering is a response that bears fruit. Bearing fruit is my responsibility. Yielding to the Spirit from within will bear fruit on the outside. God's loving purpose is to conform us to the image of His son, and we are reminded by Peter in scriptures, that persevering in trials is how we become more like Him. Girls, isn't that the goal? So today through all my junk that is gonna come--I choose praising over complaining because it is for my best and His glory!! Try praise for victory through what you are going through today--and not waver but ask in faith, and you'll come away wanting nothing!!!! Praise God!!